Monday, September 21, 2009














My Race with Time

(Travelogue: Visiting Glacier National Park, Montana, July 4th 2009. Published in 'Darpan' SLC, Utah, Bengali magazine for Chourangee) For those of my readers, sorry about the delay in blogging. Just caught up with life in general!

When I first heard about it, I thought Glacier National Park was somewhere in Alaska or Greenland. The name intrigued me as I thought I had read of glaciers that existed only in cold oceans of the north or south poles. A park that housed Glaciers? I was more than curious but never sat down to Google it up. Life is a race against time and the later wins hands down, always, unless of course you have your own ways of easing out the pain of defeat. I usually find ways of overcoming the results of this fight but of late had turned a blind eye towards the race altogether. Time and I were seemingly running in two different directions. Back of my mind I had a feeling that Time would claim everything good before I could barely sit down.

So for once I did not rush forth to pack for a trip. I let it come to the last day. Very unlike me, but I wanted to needle Time. I did not know if I should over pack with woolens or simply summer fittings. Dumping a few of both for good measure and some food to last the first 8 hours to Montana, I took time to finish off at work before heading home that day. Anu who was at a friend’s house had to be picked up along with Abhijit from the University. Pushing the last few boxes mostly filled with marinated chicken for cooking in the park, into the trunk, I left Inverary Drive that afternoon with a splitting headache. It was close to 90 degrees. Utah was finally beginning to look as if it could sport a summer after all. I reached the University, Abhijit dumped some more ice into the ice chests and took the drive seat, Anu stretched on the back seat completely in the absence of her sister, I popped two extra strength Tylenols and announced that I needed to sleep.

I could hear many phone calls going back and forth between the 3 other families that we were sharing this trip with. We were good 3 hours into Idaho before I could open my eyes. The headache was throbbing its way back into the inner recesses of the brain. Long stretches of land, beautiful rolling hills with some small trees here and there, not a soul in sight and not a car to follow. We drove and drove and drove watching the ads for Idaho potatoes, exits to more park lands, deep blue lakes and light blue skies until the sun started to dip and Anu stirred. For once I was beginning to feel a little relaxed. While Abhijit drove, I unwrapped some parathas (made fondly by a friend’s mom leaving for India the next day) and bhindi sabzi and we all ate a happy cozy meal driving at 80 miles to an hour.

The highway twisted more and more as we drove on. Somewhere in between it poured from the sky. The horizon was so empty that you could literally see up to 50 miles in front and if you happened to look up you could see 50 miles into heaven. It was a gorgeous mix of yellow from the sun and blue from the skies and I was getting a slight hint of winning against my formidable foe.

After several stop and goes at gas stations for filling the car and flushing the kidneys, we managed to catch up with one family. The other 2 families were 3 hours behind us caught by rains and a speeding ticket that thankfully didn’t come. Anu was watching Dhoom 2 at the back totally oblivious to the fact that she was in the US, that nature was beautiful and we wouldn’t be doing this often. Well, I never thought much of nature when I was 8 either. So I stopped bothering asking her to look outside of her window. She did make some comments about the shapes of clouds though. I thought it was more to please me!
I clicked away with my camera as Abhijit wouldn’t give me a share of the drive. I was happy because in any case the whirring of the car made me sleepy. The GPS woman who we forgot about for 300 or more miles in 2 stretches, finally voiced herself out of the blue almost with a jolt and announced that we were supposed to take the exit to South Gate Inn in Missoula in the next 2 miles. This meant we were ~ 120 miles into Montana. We had plans of spending the night there and heading off into the park, another 3 hours drive from the motel, early next morning. The motel room was a good one. Anu jumped around on her side of the queen bed for a while, watched some TV and we all hit the bed. Next morning was bright and shiny. We ate raisin bread, bagels, cereals and fruits and were somewhat late starting off! Again I was a little ahead in the race!

As we assembled together, exchanged GPS instructions, food and drinks, it was getting to be fun. The town was a small one and we hit the road to the park pretty quick. Small houses in the backdrop of huge mountains and single lane driving with an overloaded truck chugging along at 30 miles in front and we weren’t still losing on ‘Time’. Soon we were half way into the 160mile drive to the southern tip of the park. On the way we stopped at a fantastically energetic waterfall that made its way to Flathead Lake. With large boulders strewn along its path, the water made as much noise and froth as the sea. Water bodies in these upper states are always the most blue that you can ever imagine. Like the snaking rivers in Yellow Stone. The water is so clean you can see right up to the bottom. With the sun beating down on us we piled in quite reluctantly to drive the rest of the trip.


The southernmost gate called the Apgar West Glacier Village was crowded with many visitors but there was still plenty of place to park around the majestic Lake McDonald. The blue lake is reportedly 500+ ft deep. It looked placidly at us and the kids howled when they dipped their feet in! It was a beguilingly cold. Waterfronts have always brought the best behavior from life and Lake McDonald was no exception. All you saw in it were colorful sail boats and all you heard was laughter. We cut short our stay there with a quick lunch of an odd combination of noodles, chole and puris as we were supposed to be going in deeper in to the heart of the park to fix dinner at Swift Current Inn. The road to Swift Current Inn was not falsely called ‘Going To The Sun Road’. My guess is it should be an English translation of a Native American expression that literally meant the same. Going To The Sun Road was a treat to the eyes. The lake cum river followed us all along taking turns to be sometimes on the left and sometimes on the right. It was the most verdant stretch with trees in different shades of green. The road snaked along the mountains almost teasing it to throw it off its shoulders. Everyone was awake and taking in the beauty of nature in full galore. We then stopped briefly at Logan Creek (Flat head county 8900ft above sea level). That was where I had the first glimpse of the huge ice covers lying in a distance. I looked up at Abhijit’s face. ‘Is this a glacier?’ I asked. ‘Can there be glaciers on mountains?’ Abhijit was curt: ‘Heard of Siachen Glacier? ‘It’s a mountain’, he said. I was little disturbed because I did not find anything spectacular about it.

We went around Logan creek, another beautiful and forceful waterfall and took a small hike along the mountain while Abhijit loudly broke into Rabindra Sangeet. I kept glancing at the ice covers a tad bit sad at their lack of impression but we had another few hours of drive to reach the Inn and everyone piled in. And then as we drove up the mountain flying at almost 9000ft ‘they’ slowly and majestically appeared out of nowhere. First in small chinks through the mountains and then in full galore. Enormous sheets of ice that covered possibly thousands of square feet like white deserts. I gasped with amazement. I think for once Time stood standstill letting me win one game after all. These ice sheets stretched and stretched like the arms of a mother wanting to cover its babies forever. It was certainly different from winter snow covered mountains of Utah because it wasn’t snow. It was ice. Where the ice has melted there was water pouring down the valley under them. It was a remarkable site to see these rivers emerge playfully under the large sheets of ice. At some place it was called the Weeping Wall as the melted ice just drenched the mountain walls. These were Alpine Glaciers; highland glaciers that flow slowly down a valley in a mountainous region like a river of ice. The other type are Continental Glaciers that cover even larger areas. Glaciers are stealthily moving masses of ice that move over some land surface (in Latin Glacies means Ice).

The mountains had changed colors by now—more greyish. You could almost see the dividing line where vegetation parted ways with rocks. There were fewer and fewer trees. It was getting more and more barren as we climbed up. But surprisingly it was still very very scenic and wasn’t the least cold. We stood next to “Unstable Ice Bridges” and took hundreds of shots. I missed my father and the heavenly interpretations that he would have made of these scenes. And of course our family shots were incomplete without Shuma. Somewhere during these camera stops, the white mountain goats came out of nowhere skipping down the rocks as if they were on flat roads. As night fell, it suddenly got a little chilly. The ice sheets lit up the area with a brilliant white light as we drove further north. I was sad leaving the stunning white covers behind.

It was close to 9 in the night when we reached Swift Current Motor Inn. Built In 1933 it is a hiker’s paradise with trail heads for many of Glacier National Parks’ spectacular views. We were booked into 4 cottages there. Cooking inside the cottages was not allowed. Not to waste the chicken that was cooling its wings in the trunk most of us quickly made our way a little into the camping grounds and lit up the propane gas stove. With some primitive tactics also lit up a bon fire and cooked up the most delicious chicken curry with Parampara masala. The big container of steaming hot chicken was carried to the inn and we ate it with fresh rice and big slices of lime. It was possibly the best meal in our lives! As the sun dipped completely, the trees and animals began to talk and someone mentioned bears too. It was quite a wondrous night at the Inn.

Morning was a flurry of activity as most of us wanted to go to Waterton National Park on the other side of the border. Alberta, Canada. It was a 30 min ride to the border. We crossed over with ease with the only thing that bothered the officers was why the kids were distributed in so many cars. Why weren’t they traveling with their parents! Canada, the land of trees. It really looked like it. Driving through was a picture post card drive. With clouds hanging low and blue, lakes and rivers criss-crossing paths, birds chirping and the sun a benevolent guide, I was reminded of Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost Island. Waterton Lake was another blue stretch of cold water with large boats tied to the banks. The kids and men went berserk skipping stones on the lake. We took some of the best photographs and had cool sandwiches for lunch squatting on the lake shore watching deers come by. Most idyllic place to live. On our way back we stopped to have tea and jhaal moodhi at a beautiful riverside. As the river gurgled by, the pebbly bed was clean as a baby’s head. A fallen tree stopped the flow a wee bit and everyone climbed on to the trunk to take more photographs when a trio of horses came chugging along right into the water. It was like from a cowboy movie. Just as the mountain goats these were very sure footed too. We had a smooth passover back to the US side by dusk.


That last night we stayed in Lake McDonald Lodge. This was built in 1913-14 and had a bright, wooden interior with heads of deers and stuffed bears adorning the walls. The evening was spent trying to fix a flat tire on a friend’s car but with the holiday weekend all we could get was a donut. Next morning some of us went on motor boats on the lake. Kids had a wonderful time playing on the shore. By evening we started driving towards Missoula reluctantly leaving the ice sheets behind. On our way we saw some great 4th of July fireworks almost celebrating the wonders of nature. We reached Missoula very late at night with the friend’s donut car in front of us heating up every few miles. Just as I reached for the bed in the motel, tired and sleepy I thought I had beaten Time for 4 days. Quite a win I must say!

Sunday, July 26, 2009


My Flight

Blind to lights
Bereft of smells
In search of
Memory less days
And
Guiltless nights

Endless flights
To ends of worlds
Where
I am flying
In quest of answers

I catch fleeting Time
By the end of her shadow
We look at each other
In defiant glances
She knows my question
But will not respond

Twisting her back
And tossing her forward
I continue following her
To find my answer

Millions of light years
I follow around
Tireless flights
In pace with her

Swinging past pools
Of tears and laughter
Flipping by mountains
Of past and future

Today I watch her slowing down
Turning back she
Comes around
Running a soft hand
Over my head
She says:
‘Pardon me if I run away
Forgive me if I go astray
Your question is
My breath and life
The instant you realize your answer
I die’
(Pic: Glacier National Park, Montana)

Sunday, June 28, 2009



Your pain is mine

If I have to hide my laughter
Smother my success
And lie to you about my joy
What worth is my life
Dear friend

Your pale smiles
Incomplete sentences
Distant looks
As if waiting for something to come by
Wring my heart
As they do yours
What worth is my happiness
If it cannot involve you

You empty yourself
Every day before me
Alternating bouts of guilt
And cynicism
I listen rapt with attention
At the same stories
Repeated again and again

I hold no solution
Just as you have none
I too wait impatiently
For small good times to come
For
The sun that has stopped shining
On your heart
Has stopped shining on mine too

My prayers are filled with wishes
To wash away OUR sins
Your suffering is as much yours
As it is also mine

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Of Good Times






My new job requires that I complete a transcript validation. That made me call up my father to send me the syllabi of courses that I had taken in ancient times. He spent two or three afternoons in the sweltering heat of Bhubaneswar in making trips to the University, colleges and educational institutions that I attended many decades back. According to him the syllabi were literally archeological excavations from the mounds of dust covered paperwork. He spent a few thousand rupees to DHL the stack of papers to me. I spent a day looking at them, then another day looking into them. As I leafed through the sheets, I could not imagine we could have amassed so much information in such little time. I bet I could never do it now, I thought. Algebra, Trig, Calculus, Real Analysis, Schordinger's wave equation, Spectroscopy, Reaction mechanism, Group Theory, Cholorophyll, Daffodils, Simon's Papa, Dear Departed.....Wow!! I was proud of myself! I could actually digest all that??

Pages from the Masters syllabus took me beyond class rooms of the University. Friends. I have been more in touch with my school friends than with after school. Guess that's always true as you are with the same people for at least 10 years of your life. I still dream of my school classroom. Ms Nalini's class. I can see most of my friends sitting in their seats. I can smell the corridors and feel the excitement of having a new teacher. But I have mostly forgotten my college and University friends. We interacted much less and were together for fewer years.

But some have lasted the memory-wash. Like Aparna. He had a huge name. Aparna Shankar Prasad Mishra. ASP Mishra he was called. A slim fellow, chewing paan most times, a swager in his voice, Aparna attracted most as a leader. He had a different specialization in Chemistry than I did, but we were together in the same classes most of the first year of Masters. In his leadership role he said "tu" to me and I liked that very much. Aparna wasnt much of an adviser to me because there were times when I could do with some (!) but his short statements put a lot of restraint into my actions.

The hostel boys had a way with tea. I have never been a tea drinker. Or for that matter any beverage. But some chilly December afternoons, Aparna would be drinking tea with the other guys. He would ask us girls if we wanted any. I would say 'yes' because it seemed very grown up. As luck would have it, I would take a quick big gulp from the small tea glass and burn my tongue. Seeing me wince, Aparna would joke, "Dont try it. You havent reached that standard yet". That joke stuck. Everytime he would catch me failing at something, he would say "You havent the standard". I liked his way of chidding. Among some of the rowdy hostel guys who took pains to trouble me for some reason or the other, I always hid behind Aparna's skinny frame.

We took our yearly exams together. We took the national level tests together. Aparna visited me at home. He sent me new year cards. He said he liked my handwriting. We went for picnics together where I would sing my lungs out in the bus. Aparna also lead a truant class on a weekday to see the circus. I cannot recollect why, but one day I had a fight with Aparna. I wasnt talking to him. That day as I quickly walked past the seminar room, I suddenly pulled a calf muscle. It is a terrible pain when you have a cramp come up suddenly as an uncontrolled contraction. I bent down in pain. These cramps usually last a minute or so but it seemed interminably long. Aparna came sauntering from somewhere and ordered me to sit on a chair. I did not want to take orders from him at that moment but I couldnt help sit. He bent down with his usual swager, took the leg and rubbed it quickly muttering, "You havent the standard".

Amidst many eventful days, I fell in love with a senior. Aparna was many times my silent supportful pillar during the emotionally stressful days. Two years of Masters and we parted ways. Aparna left Bhubaneswar and found a job. I stayed on with my studies for a year longer, married (my senior) and left Bhubaneswar for Delhi. Aparna and I wrote each other inland letters. He said he copied my handwriting. But I thought he had a good hand himself. Aparna kept in touch with my parents and our other classmates from the University. Sometimes he filled me in on updates on who got married and who had kids. He remained a good friend in every sense of the word.

Many years later my second child was born. I named her Aparna. Minus the Shankar and Prasad.



(Picture: 1991 Puri beach. Aparna is on the right. I am in black and yellow. On the left are Priyabrata, another good friend and Nilakshi a junior in Masters).

Wednesday, May 06, 2009




















To be Living. Not Alive

Very often people ask me why I blog. Why I have a web page. Why I want to share so many personal things about my family and myself over the net. Some even add "at this age" as a suffix to their queries! Some are agahst seeing photographs of me and my kids up for downloading-grabs at the fingertip. Especially on the heels of incessant reading about internet forgery, computer hacking, impersonation and abuse. For an answer, I can only offer a smile. At the end of the smile I mouth, "so far so good". Well, I cant say I havent ever been graced by the abuse-bug. But I dismiss it as a social abberation. I havent fared too bad with the net.

Internet provides instant gratification. There is nothing better than the www to get an immediate audience to your creativity. Of course you can be creative on any issue and generate an audience instantly. But for me, it has always been the trodden path.

When I go to work these days I can barely drive. I keep throwing quick glances at the everywhere but the road! Its spring, you see. Nature can drive you crazy. 2100E is a beautiful stretch of road that leads along for about a mile towards Foothill. Exactly in front stand the gray mountains shedding the last vestiges of snow while the slim stretch of road is hemmed on both sides by the most amazing kinds of trees. Wish I knew their names. But surely I have memorized their shapes. I watched them through winter in their bare bodies and I watch them now with equal attention as they clothe themselves everyday in the most baby-soft greens. Every tree in that stretch is a different one. Some stand tall with their hands raised literally to the heavens. Some have quaky, shivering, tiny leaves while others have strong, milky-white barks. Some are lean and flowery while some are gigantic mushrooms. Cherry blossoms in pinks and whites spill forth on both sides. And the riot of red and yellow tulips these days, makes me drive at 10miles with faces of gruff drivers on my rear view. Well, I cant just take my eyes off, so please be patient with me! The houses that sport these trees and flowers are clean, small and bright. I am reminded of my 8 year old visions of Enid Blyton. Gnomes and pixies, elves and toadstools--I just loved them. Always. Anything for some fairy dust in life.

And so if someone asks me today, why I disclose personal information on the net, I will say "Well you see, I've got to share these wonderful visions with you too".

I write for myself. I paint for myself. I sing for myself. But I'd like to believe I live for others.
Here is some food for the eye:
The purple flowers are cherry blossoms:
This tree is a work of art:
I was too scared to get a close up of the tulips in case the owner turned up!


Thats the tree that has its hands extended to the heavens!

I am following the same van on 2100 E

A right turn at the junction ahead leads to my office. The mountains are stupendous!

More greens:

If you can spot FOOTHILL DRIVE in green ahead:

This road leads to 2100E. An eye catcher. Lovely view.

More springy colors:

One of my fav mushroom trees!

Thats the pretty drive to work everyday!

Monday, April 20, 2009




My Void

I wonder often to myself
If existence is a necessity
Or a flaw in creation
That the world was supposed
To be equanimous
Unruffled and composed

Hate nor love
Could fluster the surface
Defeat and success
Anger and anguish
Held hands
In the wombs of tranquility

Death produces not a tear
Ghosts from the past
Never float up to trouble,
The near present
No different from the furthest past
The future
A resolved riddle

What difference would it make
If I was never there
If I am never here
If I am nowhere
If I was lost in the emptiness
Unmoved and in control

The future’s beyond
Beckons me
As I shed myself in oceans
Of dilution
My void
Quietening the quakes of existence

Monday, March 30, 2009


Biraj Mein Holi Khele Nand Lala
(Holi at Iskon Temple, Utah)

I never dreamt that I would be able to leave Maryland. When the move was imminent I tried to hide my fears under the guise of bravado. ‘I would soon be back’ and ‘this is only a short intermission from the mini India that I knew for so many years’, I kept telling myself. Much tears were shed the day I landed here at Salt Lake City looking at the bald mountains and dusty roads. No lush green trees, no hurried driving. No midnight musicals, no bhajans for Jagannath. No Orissi dances and no social gatherings like in Maryland/DC/Virginia. For a while Utah pushed me away with an equal force of strangeness.

Our visits to Salt Lake and linking it to Chilika of my home, to Yellow Stone Park and relating it to Simlipal forests, to Bryce Canyon and connecting it to the temple city of Bhubaneswar made me yearn for more similarities, to strike an alliance with the Rockies.

I visited the Hindu temple, the Tabernacle and the Gurdwara to search for my familiar Gods and hear my favorite bhajans. All these houses of worship overwhelmed me with the presence of the Supreme. But my search for that familiar face continued. During our explorations of the city, we chanced upon the Spanish Fork Iskon temple. On my third visit there, I found the trinity sitting on one side of the temple right next to Srila Prabhupada's throne. My days of hunting were over. Thereafter something attracted us to the striking temple every other month. We were there for the India Fest, for Diwali, for Shiv Ratri and this past Saturday for Holi.

This time during his visit to the US, I took my father around the national parks. He was most happy to see the huge geysers, lakes, temples and the whimsical limestone mountains. There was one comment he made that made me think. He said, “the Rockies need to metamorphose into pilgrimage spots if they have to become the Kailash Parvat. Otherwise they will be just mountains”.

I think this past Saturday, the Rockies made that transformation. With the backdrop of a marble white temple, rolling valleys under the mountains, 15,000 people gathered at the Spanish Fork Iskon temple to play Holi. They waited patiently for a cue after Holika was burnt to death and with the count of 1,2,3…the crowd threw up the sky a strange hue of colors that might just have reached Krishna’s face! With the traffic jammed up for 2 miles or more, young people continued to pour in just as they must have 3000 years before Christ to play with dry abhir (colored powder). The valley was tightly packed when the band began playing Hare Rama Hare Krishna on the stage and while the rhythms of dancing and swaying rippled through the 15,000 strong euphoric crowd, the sun shone bright and warm. The man behind this mega event, the temple president Caru Das, smiled at every face. I knew he had just metamorphosed Spanish Fork into Braj Bhoomi.

For hundreds of beautiful pictures, blogs, slide shows and videos visit:
http://utahkrishnas.com/

One beautiful video from Daily Herald:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8EUDMRvRaE

Some fantastic pictures:
http://falln-stock.deviantart.com/gallery/

Here are some from my own camera: